Day 71: Ernie’s Birthday

Never fear, friends – I am eating very well in the Williams home.

For the sake of these bomb tacos (made with remarkable chicken from Ernie’s new smoker), here’s a picture of the big guy on his birthday.

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Here’s a list of more awesome food I’ve gotten to try:

Ernie’s Smoked Ribs
Pimiento Cheese
Eggs Benedict
Chicken & Waffles
Corn Casserole
Biscuits with pecans and maple syrup
Pulled Pork
White Barbecue Sauce
Chocolate Gravy
Gin & Tonic (not a food, but certainly delicious)
Mojito (refer to above)
Mango Margarita (refer to above)

I will survive.

Letter To Your Broken Heart

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I’ve been blessed in my life with beautiful friends who encourage me to no end. When I went through a breakup, I was showered with motivation and words of grace and beauty that inspired me to push forward. For all the broken hearts who need encouragement, let me share with you some of the love I received.

Letter To Your Broken Heart

My heart feels ripped for you right now, because I know exactly what this feels like. I want to take this all away from you. It’s one of those thing where you don’t want to go through the motions of life because it means time you have to endure.

You’re allowed to feel however you want to feel. But so you’re reminded, you’re strong and you are resilient.

It breaks my heart because I love you SO much, and it hurts me. I know how fresh it feels. We will get through this together, just like we have with the many, many other things we’ve pushed through together. It’s easy to say, but nothing is going to really help the next little bit except for knowing that you have the infinite support of your family and friends.

You have the brightest future ahead of you beautiful girl, and you are destined to be magnificent. Anyone who chooses not to be part of your life shouldn’t be there.

You are stunning. You have a stunning personality and a stunning heart. Everyone you meet falls in love with your spirit. You are the most alive person I have ever met, and a part of being so alive is that you feel every emotion deeply and you truly live your life to the fullest. You will never have to regret not trying hard enough or not giving it your full heart – our time is too limited to live (or love) half-heartedly.

If he was perfect for you, he would see how perfect you are.

I know it feels hopeless and lonely, but know that you’re not – your heart will mend. Cheer up, sweet beautiful girl. You are going to love again and it will be amazing.

I am here for you every hour of every day. This feeling of hopelessness will pass.

It’s not your fault, it was never your fault. You are flawless. You have the most beautiful soul I have ever known, and if he can’t acknowledge that then he does not deserve to have you by his side. I’m not saying this because I love you, I’m saying this because you could ask anyone who knows you.

I know that doesn’t make the hurt go away and it won’t for awhile, but take it from me that you are remarkable. You WILL get through this to the other side. I wish I could take your pain away, but you will just need to take it one day at a time.

No matter what, I’m going through all of this with you, because I know that a heartbreak – especially the ones we don’t expect – can hurt the soul inexplicably. Right now, you’re shocked and confused, and probably wondering what you did wrong. That’s the worst part, right off the bat. I can’t speak for him, but I can speak for you – as far as he’s concerned, you’re the one that got away.

Try not to let those wandering thoughts consume you; they’ll take you into darkness. It’s not your fault. Just because it happened the way it did makes you absolutely no less strong of a person. You are not the ‘weak’ or the ‘desperate’ one. You are a phoenix. You are the one that carries yourself through heartache. You are the one who sits with the cold body on the shower floor, and picks it up. You are the one who feeds it, clothes it, who tucks it into bed, and you should be proud of that. Having the strength to take care of yourself when everyone around you is trying to bleed you dry, that is the strongest thing in the universe.

The initial stages are the hardest but we’ve all had to do it, and you have to do it as well. Do things that make you happy. Throw yourself into the things you’re passionate about. Love yourself.

The thing to remember is that what you’re feeling right now is what everyone on earth who has ever been brave enough to let someone in – to become vulnerable – has felt. It’s frightening and scary and disappointing, but anyone who can’t see your worth has no place in your future.

I’m still here. Always here.

You’re loved beyond measure.

22

“When she was 22, the future looked bright.” – Lily Allen

21 has been a big year for me, full of transitions and opportunities and experiences.

I started a blog,

entered a new relationship,

took on a new leadership role,

learned how to plan a conference,

discovered why I speed on the highway,

stared at the sky,

bought a [new-to-me] car,

created my first Buzzfeed post,

applied for a crazy dream job,

felt anxious over my career direction,

got my dream job,

graduated from college,

moved to Birmingham,

lost old friends,

felt lonely,

made new friends,

and felt an overwhelming amount of anxiety,

among other things.

21 has taught me so many things about myself. I like being comfortable and safe. I love deeply. I have to realign my priorities daily. It’s hard for me to be alone.

This next year, I want to grow. I want to take advantage of being 22 and suck the marrow out of life. I have no idea what I want, and I have no idea where I will be in a year. But, I know that I want to seize opportunity.

For this reason, I want to try 22 things that make me feel uncomfortable. Probably, a lot of these will involve me doing things alone and being okay with it – something I find difficult now.

If you dwell on the past, on what could’ve been, or what should’ve been, you’ll miss out on the beauty of the moments right in front of you. Cheers to 22.

Day 14: Birmingham Food Adventures

This weekend, I had my first food adventure in Birmingham. Here are my reviews:image1

Post Office Pies: The White Pizza (roasted garlic, white sauce)
Thoughts: Pretty good, but not as good as Mellow Mushroom.
Rating: 3 out of 5

Next: brunch, aka God’s gift to Abbi Wilt.

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Continental Bakery: The Benedict
Thoughts: So wonderful. First time I’ve ever had hollandaise sauce; I should definitely eat eggs more often. Delicious red mystery sauce. Could have eaten three more.
Rating: 5 out of 5

Next: the [con]fusion.

burrito

Wasabi Juan’s: Thai’d Up Burrito
Thoughts: Seriously, who came up with this food? At Wasabi Juan’s, some genius (prob Juan) put together Asian food and Mexican food and created this weird sushi burrito that tastes so strange but so wonderful at the same time. It contains lots of rice, shrimp, cream cheese, and peanutty goodness.
Rating: 5 out of 5

Are Group Projects Worth It In College?

When you enter college, you meet lots of different people. Some people are type A (i.e., Abbi Wilt), some people are team supporters, and some people are just in college to get the degree without the work.

There will be a few of each of these people in every group project, unless you have a professor that intentionally throws the slackers together to see who emerges victorious. I’ve never been in this situation before, because I’m terrible at slacking. No really, I’ve tried to slack before and it doesn’t sit well with me.

Freshman year, your professor throws you into a group project under the explanation that you “will have to work with different types of people some day, so you may as well practice now.” The first group project, okay. I understand this concept. The second group project, okay. The third group project, okay…

Let’s say each of your professors gives you one group project per semester. At five classes a semester, this equals about 10 group projects per year. Over the course of my four years of college, I’ve probably been part of 35 group projects. Do you know how many successful groups I’ve had? Let me share with you – two. Two out of 35. This equals a success rate of 5%. This translates into a 95% unsuccessful rate of group projects.

After the fifth group project, I found myself in a dark pattern – one that sucked life from my soul when the words “Find a group!” were uttered in the classroom. As if I did not already know I was different than the other kids when it came to academics.

For the sake of argument, I would like to present the reasons why I personally believe that group projects are the worst and do not contribute to becoming a well-rounded individual (other than, of course, stress and anger management).

MEETINGS.

No one has time for their own schedule, much less to deal with the schedule of four other people. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve showed up at the library only to receive a string of “actually can’t make it today” texts. Well, gee. Glad we could get together.

And then, when meetings do occur, what is the appropriate amount of small talk before you get down to business? Do I seem controlling if I walk in and go right to work? Is delegating bossy? Can I mask my tendancy to lead long enough for these other members to think I’m not a completely psychotic perfectionist? Not only are meetings inconvient, but they are often unproductive. If one person is off their game, it throws off the whole group. And, chances are, no one wants to be there.

The other option that’s recently emerged is the online group for the online class. No, please, no. Don’t put this on your students. We hate it when we actually have the chance to work together. Why on earth would I enjoy emailing back and forth, and back, and back, and back again with no answer? This is not fun for anyone.

There’s always that one person with the excuse – whether it be a pet dying or a grandmother’s surgery or an out-of-town wedding. Coupled with the student who disappears for the entire last half of the semester (and yes, this has happened to me) – your group is set up to fail.

I ALREADY KNOW I’M NERDY.

Unfortunately, it’s still not cool to be smart. Maybe some day, but certainly not today. As the one who usually ends up with most of the work in the group project, I can guarantee that my overachieving self does not gain friends or popularity after working in a group project, unless those people didn’t want to actually do anything and I picked up their slack.

I know what it feels like to A) not have anyone want to work with you because you have an incredibly high standard of work, B) not have anyone want to work with you because they think you’re bossy C) have someone only join your group because they think it’s a free pass, and D) be made fun of because you’re known to be the nerdy one who cares too much.

None of the above are particularly enjoyable.

The other option is that the work is done, but it is full of errors. This is equally as frustrating, because then I feel as though it would take me about as much time to rewrite it as it would to edit out the errors. In these situations, I usually take on the role of having everyone send me their pieces prior to submission so that I can make sure it’s top notch.

I understand that this sounds controlling. I am not denying that this role is the easiest for me to take on when it comes to group projects. However, it is simply the result of wanting to do well in school and squeezing what I can from my education.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE AN ANGRY PERSON.

I have actually tried not to take control of a group project, just because I felt like slacking is a skill I should work on. Did it work? No. Instead of someone else in the group project taking the reins – because everyone should have a chance to work on their leadership skills – the project crashed and burned. What do I hate more than having to work with other people that don’t care? Having my name attached to sub-par work.

I think I would be remiss not to mention that I have been a part of one stellar group project. Why was this particular group great? We agreed on mutual deadlines, we did the work evenly, and we all cared about the grade we were getting. This has been my only case of a group who wasn’t just trying to slide by. If they were all like this, I’d be much more enthusiastic about participating.

I’m hoping that pursuing a career in which others are also passionate about their jobs, I will be able to work in teams that care about the work that emerges, rather than just skimming by for a passing grade.

However, if the work is already only being done in the confines of my own brain, I’d prefer for my name to be alone on the cover. Please, for the sake of the students that actually somewhat care about school and their academic successes, save me from the epidemic of group projects.

Sack The Black Slacks

Finding cute, professional clothes is not simple for women.

Men have it easy on this front. I heard a story about this one man who wore the exact same suit every day to work for his entire career, and no one said anything to him about it.

This would never happen with a woman. It’s not a button-up-and-tie-and-dress-pants deal. It’s hard to figure out what’s long enough, what goes together, what’s appropriate for the setting, etc. – nevertheless trying to find it in a comfortable option that’s cheap enough for a young professional.

This whole subject stressed me out. Every time I went to dress for a professional occasion, I found myself reaching for the same three outfits, trying to remember which one I wore last that people would certainly remember versus one that I wore two times ago that people would only vaguely remember. It was rough.

For this reason, I started searching out cute and professional outfits from friends that were both adorable and appropriate – yet didn’t look too difficult to put together.

Although I’m not sure the costs on these specific super chic outfits, please refer to my last post about Goodwill and understand that you could totally make any of these outfits with some successful thrifting.

So what do these outfits have in common?

SIZE.

One easy way to be professional is to make sure your clothes fit you properly. It’s incredibly important. If you think it is cute and you want it to fit really badly and it doesn’t, then DO NOT buy it. Clothing that is too tight or dramatically too loose is generally unflattering and gives off a vibe that you didn’t really care enough to find the right size. This is something I struggle with specifically because Goodwill doesn’t have multiple size options for the really cute stuff. There will be other perfect shirts, I promise.

COLOR.

Being cute and professional doesn’t mean you can only wear shades of white and black and beige. In fact, the bold options of color can make you look more confident and less like you’re trying to blend in with the back wall. Don’t get me wrong – some strategic black and white does wonders for your figure – but don’t rely on it completely.

STYLE.

We each have our own “style” and level of comfort with different types of clothes. When it comes to style, you want to pick out clothing that will make you feel the most comfortable. When you feel the most comfortable (about yourself, not being the material of your pants!), you’ll be more likely to put your best self forward. This leads, again, to confidence. I have had times that I’ve put on an outfit that doesn’t really fit with the look I’m going for. The whole day, I felt self-conscious about my clothes and kept tugging on them – not cues of a successful professional.

Some rules are unspoken but still slightly expected – like not wearing mini skirts to the office. Try and keep your pencil skirt length to something you could wear to church.

PANTYHOSE/LEGGINGS.

This section may cause some ripples.

In my personal opinion, pantyhose isn’t always necessary when dressing professionally. In the past, it was almost mandatory that a woman wore pantyhose with her outfit. It’s a highly debated subject among female professionals (I did the research!) and about half believe it’s an outdated practice.

According to the articles I read, if a workplace has a “business casual” dress code, pantyhose is not necessary. However, if you are in a “business formal” environment, pantyhose are generally expected. Or, you could become the Owner/President/CEO of the company and make your own dress code. That’s my plan.

Unfortunately, in terms of dressing professionally, leggings are not pants. Now – I totally vouch for leggings as pants with casual dress, so no need to get defensive. However, for argument’s sake, leggings aren’t exactly clothing that scream: “I put a lot of thought into what I’m wearing today.”

HAIR.

This doesn’t technically fall into the outfit category, but I heard a tip once that I think could be important to share – because college doesn’t really cover the minute details of dressing professionally. Tip: it is never professional to show up to work with wet hair. This is a stinky rule, especially for those of us who like to sleep longer. Maybe shower an hour earlier than you’d usually get up and then fall back asleep on your wet hair. Or blow-dry it. Or shake your head in front of a fan for a few minutes.

I hope that some of these tips/outfits have inspired you to branch out further than black slacks. Thank you to all my friends/models who let me photograph their adorable style!