This may sound a little dark, but I’ve been sitting in a lot of cemeteries lately.
I’m fascinated by how people have chosen to commemorate themselves (and, often, how others have chosen to commemorate them). There are headstones that reach fifteen feet into the air, with marble columns and a clay bust of the deceased. There are mausoleums and gardens. And, there are old, broken headstones on which you can barely read the name and date.
The cemetery almost feels busy, like you’re standing in the middle of a big crowd of people. It also feels like you’re intruding, in a way, to very private moments of someone’s life and legacy.
In graveyards, I am continually reminded that no matter how huge or opulent the headstone, all of these people are gone. They’re dead. These people could have had all the money in the world, with their massive graves and bundles of fresh flowers, but – at the end of the day – they’re in the ground.
So, let my sitting on a bench in a cemetery in Vienna remind you that we only have one short life to live. And, every day is important to that short life.
I bet each and every one of the people behind these gravestones – and their families – wish they had another 24 hours to just be with each other.
So, be present with the people you’re around, and love everyone fully. Don’t waste time living to your happiest, fullest potential, because I imagine all the headstones in the cemetery would rush to tell you the same thing.
It’s fun to roam around and explore a new city, but it also can be the source of some anxiety. If you’re in an unfamiliar place and don’t know where things are (or, how to get there), it can be incredibly stressful to navigate. I’m speaking from personal experience, of course. It’s also difficult if you don’t speak the language; there’s a third obstacle to add to the list. So, when you get that wave of fear or a moment of loneliness, here are a few small things that I’ve noticed help keep me grounded.
Smiling at a stranger and having them smile back at you This tends to work best with middle-aged moms. Young people don’t have time for you and older people tend to frown back because, I think, they’re not used to having young people smile at them.
Finding food that reminds you of your childhood For me, this is a falafel joint or any kind of Mediterranean spot that serves hummus and/or baklava. Sometimes a little taste of something that spurs nostalgia can warm your heart if you’re feeling isolated.
Honestly, it’s just really comforting to stop and take a minute to appreciate what’s around you. Smelling flowers grounds me because A) it’s comforting to realize that these little guys can bloom in the place they’re at, so you can too and B) it brings self-awareness. I recognize the senses I’m using to smell the flowers and my focus is brought to the nature around me.
Finding a view that makes you forget how hard it was to get up there in the first place I know Miley was all about the climb, but sometimes that climb is tough and sweaty (physically and emotionally). It’s encouraging to get to the top of a hill or mountain and look out over the city or place you’re in. Then, you’re seeing how beautiful the view is, or how small everything looks, or how far the river runs – instead of focusing on fear.
Touching the bark of a really old tree
Similar to smelling flowers, this connection to nature is surprisingly relaxing. I like to stare up into old trees and run my hands along the rough bark, trying to think about how old the tree is or what it has seen. They’ve been standing peacefully for a long time with the earth under their feet.
Seeing a dog playing in the park
This may be more geared towards pet lovers, but nothing brings joy to my heart like seeing a pup loving their life. It makes me so happy to see them playing, or jumping, or licking their owners, or wagging their tails. We get to be responsible for some of these beautiful creatures. And, it also reminds me of my own sweet dog who loves unconditionally.
Stepping on a crunchy fall leaf
Nothing grounds me more than a physical reminder that all of life comes in seasons, both literally, with our four seasons, and metaphorically, with chapters in our own stories. Sometimes the moment it takes to bring your anxiety down is to feel and hear that sensation of autumn, reminding us that this, too, is just another season. And, you can manage it.
Watching people from a park bench I am a big fan of pausing and sitting, especially in some of the incredible green spaces that you’ll find in bigger cities. Watching people can be fun, but it is also grounding to remember that we as humans all want the same things, and our goals are similar. We want love, dignity, respect, and protection for ourselves and our families. It doesn’t matter who you are or what language you speak – these core values connect us to people wherever we are. It’s also encouraging to think about the goodness in these people; it has been proven to me time and time again while I’ve been traveling that people are willing to help. People are inherently good.
Doing something in your normal routine
Traveling is a whirlwind of new things, so sometimes the thing that helps out an anxious soul is to do something that you know. Go for a run, read your favorite book, have a cup of tea, or lay in the grass. You are not losing yourself in this moment of being lost or fearful; you have the capacity to do whatever you’d like to do.
Do you have something that you’d like to add to this list? I’d love to expand it to help fellow travelers. Tweet me @abbiwilt with your suggestions!
Never ask a celebrity anything other than the question that you are supposed to be asking them, because, chances are, you will forget who you are and ask them something incredibly weird just to impress them, and it will not work. Example (and this is hard to write): One time, Craig Campbell told me that his favorite artist of all time was Keith Whitley. I, for some reason, thought he said Glenn Frey – so I asked him if he was an Eagles fan. Stick to the script, Abbi, stick to the script. It’s also not appropriate to say things like “You smell like gingerbread!” to Reba McEntire.
Always accept free food. Food will not always be free, so make it count. If you don’t want to take it in front of your coworkers, you can stealthily grab a little bit later. But, honestly, everyone wants it, so just do what you want and take that croissant in the morning meeting.
Taco Bell does not count as a suitable lunch when the CEO of the company is walking by your desk. Suitable fast-food lunch options include Subway, Chick-fil-A, and anything that can’t be identified by the smell alone. I have never seen someone eating a hamburger at their desk (but, I’ve seen plenty of Jason’s Deli bags).
Bring something warm to wear. You will need layers. It will either be 50° in your office, or 85°. There is no in-between, and which temperature it will be is always a mystery. Some adopt a blanket as a permanent part of their outfit every day, so pick one you really like (because you’ll be in it 90% of the time). Here’s a meme I made about this very subject:
Attitudes do not work well in the office, especially when that attitude is #NotMyJob. This will never, ever work for you. Chances are that things will go poorly and you won’t succeed in what you’re trying to do. This is especially important when you’re in the beginning stages of your career and are trying to get a taste for what the company is like (or, what you want to do). If you take on new responsibilities and tasks to establish yourself, you may find that there’s a strength you’ve overlooked or a connection with a mentor that you’ve made. Yes, if your plate is full, you can say no – that’s not my point. You need to be open to either doing something you may not want to or directing someone to the right place to solve the problem. Yes, it IS your job.
Do not hold your ice-cold water cup in the same hand that you shake hands with. It will not go well when you go to greet someone. We had the CEO of the company come in one day from New York for a big presentation, and, at the wine-and-cheese reception following his speech, we lined up to meet him. Sure enough, because I tend to always make these situations a little awkward, I had a glass of ice water in my shaking hand. I realized it when he was only a few people ahead of me, and desperately tried to friction-up my hand. Now, I’m sure, he just think I am especially clammy. Save yourself from this situation and carry those glasses of iced tea in your opposite hand, folks.
It is better to be the person at the desk who always has forks and Tylenol then the person who doesn’t. I have at least one person per week that either comes to my desk for something that they could find in the chaos of my cube or is referred to my desk by someone else in the office. It doesn’t cost much to always have a few things that people need: Tylenol or Advil, a Tide-To-Go pen, plastic forks, or a lint roller. It’s a very easy way to make friends, and it’s a good reputation to have at the office. I had a colleague once who told me to not tell anyone you had forks, or everyone would be coming to your desk. On the contrary, I like having people stop by my desk for things. It keeps me from having days where I don’t speak to another human being until 11AM.
Do not bring the food for lunch that needs to be microwaved that will jeopardize the smell of the entire office. Fish is a definite no-no. Both tacos and chili smell good but will also waft through the entire office. Just be prepared to answer, “What smells so good?” a handful of times if you opt for these dishes. If you bring snacks, which, obviously I must, do not bring the ones that are so crunchy that every bite makes it sound like you are a T-Rex crushing bones at your desk. Everyone will be able to hear, especially if you’re in a quiet office.
If you have to do an important interview, step away from your open-space-cubicle floor plan. Everyone will be able to hear your interview, and any mistakes that you make. This doesn’t work out well when you’re interviewing one of your celebrity crushes. This happened once when I was on a call with Cole Swindell. The office was uncharacteristically quiet as I did the interview at my desk and then everyone CLAPPED when I hung up the phone. It was mortifying.
Going on a diet will not work for you, especially if you work in a place where free food lives all the time. There will be some sort of food to sabotage your diet every single day, and it may even be at every single meal. There was once a day when I was offered donuts, scones, muffins, pizza, Taziki’s leftovers, spiced pecans, chocolate-covered pretzels, and a slice of coconut cake, all before 4PM. The office is a difficult place to be on a diet. If these issues don’t affect your workplace, go for it kids!
Be sure to turn your ringer off before you go to your morning meeting. If that sucker goes off and you are over at the conference table with the rest of the group, you have to explain to them why Barefoot Blue Jean Night by Jake Owen is blasting at your desk. It will be the longest minute of your life.
The more people you help, the more people will want to help you. I know that some folks are against adding smiley faces to emails. But, honestly, if you’re working with someone for a while and it’s casual (and/or, you’re being helpful), throw one of those suckers in there. I like getting smiles from people. If you have the time to help someone out with something that makes their life easier, you should do it. Do everything you can to work towards that common goal. And, as you’d expect, people are much more likely to help you out when you’re in a pickle if you’ve been kind to them with favors.
Only print out handouts when they are absolutely necessary. I have wasted almost 2 packs of paper on handouts that could’ve been PDFs in an email. You’ll need to have a paper trail of these, anyways, so be conscientious of the environment and don’t print out more than you need to. And, make sure that the printer is working before you have to print out a large document. If that ends up in the printer queue and everyone is stuck behind you, you will not be the office favorite.
Drive slowly around the turns in the parking deck, because you do not want to get in an accident with one of your coworkers. That could and would be incredibly awkward. I actually have a friend who this happened to – she was hit by another coworker in the garage. Do you really want to exchange insurance information with the company’s creative director? And, news of this caliber would spread like wildfire.
The office is fueled by caffeine and craft beer. Note: Learn to like one of these things. People will look at you strangely as you gather with the staff at a local brewery and ask for the drink that tastes least like beer. Hard cider, por favor? And, as any social culture, you will be regarded as more open-minded if you talk about the number of coffees you’ve consumed or drink the wine or take a glass of champagne at the wine-and-cheese social. Now – as someone who does not drink much (see my Dear Sober Abbi blog posts), an appropriate swap for alcohol is sparkling water. Sparkling water gives you something to toast with and feels a little fancier than tap water.
If you are an amateur baker, do not bring a pie to a place where people are literally professional bakers. This tip is definitely specific to working at a women’s lifestyle magazine, but it happened to me so frequently that I thought it important to include. My work husband is a pastry chef, and even he knew better than to broadcast that he’d brought in a dessert for people to sample. It’s intimidating (and, most of it’s in your head!). But, you can always leave an anonymous dessert by the coffee machine for people to sample.
Double-check when you’re sending an email that it is actually going to the right person. I was trying to contact one specific marketing gal, and accidentally CC’d in the whole consumer marketing group with 100+ people. I got about 15 polite emails back saying, “Sorry, try again!”
It is not acceptable to take off your shoes and walk around in bare feet, unless everyone else is gone. Airplane rules apply to the office, if I may be so bold. If you’re choosing to wear high heels to work, you’d better make sure that you can hang out in those babies until 5:30PM, or that you’ve brought a pair of flats to change into in case of emergency. When there are constantly people walking through your office, you cannot walk barefoot to the photocopy machine (and, limping in heels doesn’t look so great, either). This was a tough one for me, because I love to take off my shoes. Keep that habit at home, folks.
Keep mints instead of gum at your desk, so that you are not smacking to the dismay of everyone around you. Mints are an easy and inexpensive way to get rid of that garlic breath after lunch, and won’t bring down your professionalism. Plus, you have the added bonus of being kind and offering mints to colleagues.
If you must trip and fall and heels, be sure to do it in the stairwell instead of in front of everyone coming back from a meeting. They will feel very badly for you, and you will think about how you probably should’ve worn flats today. I wish I could say that this hasn’t happened to me, but, in fact, it’s happened to me at least three times. Once, I was giving a tour to our new intern and completely tripped down a flight of stairs. I think I made her feel more comfortable about being in the office, but, man, that was embarrassing.
If you notice that your dress is unraveling as you’re getting ready for work, change. Do not wear that dress to work. It will become worse, and, by the end of the day, you will actually have a hole in your clothing. Not exactly flattering, especially in a professional setting. And, if you notice it in the privacy of your own home, it’ll certainly drive you crazy in the office, when you’re hyperaware of impressing your boss.
Do not come to work with chipped nail polish. This will inevitably be the day when you are asked to hand model (really!), and then you will have to go through the rigmarole of taking off your chipped black polish. It would have been easier if you had just taken off the polish like you originally planned before you binge-watched Reign on Netflix.
Bringing someone a Starbucks drink is a great way of helping them warm up to you. No pun intended. You’d be surprised at how a small gesture like picking up coffee for someone can change the tone of their entire day.
If you work in an office full of lots of skinny people, they may not appreciate your Christmas cookie haul as much as some other people would. Save the Christmas cookies for people who will appreciate them, and try bringing something a little healthier to the Christmas party, like fruit or orange juice.
Playing things out loud on your computer is incredibly taboo. It’s the equivalent of playing music or a podcast on full volume without headphones in a public place – not appreciated. Even if you are at just one volume mark on your laptop, assume everyone can hear it (because, some can). And, there will always be colleagues who do not take kindly to playing Christmas music out loud in the afternoons. They are Scrooges, but still wear headphones.
Rewrite an email if you think that there is even the slightest chance that someone might be offended by it. This is an important one! Either establish yourself as the person that gets right to the point in emails, or be a kind, flowery person that rewrites emails a few times until you get it right. You do not need to be passive aggressive. Don’t try to convey attitude in an email; take a deep breath, and remember that it’s only a job. Kind emails, people.
If you walk into the restroom with three other people, try and do the every other stall thing. Only sociopaths come into a restroom with one other person (and five-plus stalls) and pick the stall next to the original restroom-user. And, if that person is you and I recognize your shoes, I guarantee that I will hold that negative feeling of increased peeing anxiety against you for at least the rest of the workday.
Do not share your political believes in the office. You would think that this one would be a given, but, surprisingly, it is not. Please do not share who you are voting for or why you think so-and-so is a bad candidate. This is our workplace, man. I just want to come in, do my job, and not have to think about why you decided to vote for Donald Trump. This is a definite no-no.
If someone tells you something in confidence, do not share it. To create relationships, be a person of your word. No one wants to find out that you told someone something that you weren’t supposed to, because then you’re not only a bad colleague, you’re a bad friend. And that gets around.
If you have an urge to talk about someone else in your office, keep it to yourself. This is the last point for a reason. In any environment where you’re working with different personalities, corporate structures, and dynamics, things happen that will make you unhappy or frustrated. This is, unfortunately, inevitable. And, often times, there will be certain people at the root of these issues. If you have the chance to talk trash about one of your colleagues, turn it down. It only plants bad seeds. Instead, take every situation with a grain of salt and remind yourself that it’s only a job. Don’t talk badly about your colleagues. We all have better things to spend our time on.
Let me caveat this, first of all, in saying that Whole30 doesn’t want you baking anything. So, #notsponsored. But, these muffins are incredibly moist and protein-packed, so they make an easy breakfast when smeared with some sunflower butter and a great afternoon pick-me-up. If you aren’t into a super-moist muffin (then who are you, am I right?!), you can cut down the oil a little bit – the banana keeps the texture pretty soft. Here’s the recipe:
Abbi-Needed-Muffins-To-Survive-Whole-30 Apple Muffins Makes about 24 small muffins
2 cups almond flour
1/2 tsp. sea salt
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 c. arrowroot powder
2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 c. grapeseed (or other Whole30-friendly) oil
1 large egg
2 medium apples, cut into small chunks
4 dates, pitted
Preheat the oven to 350˚F. Spray two muffin pans with cooking spray.
In a large bowl, combine first 5 ingredients and whisk until combined. In a food processor, combine oil, egg, dates, and banana. Pulse until dates have been incorporated completely. Pour the liquid mixture into the dry ingredients, and then add chopped apples. Use a spatula to fold all ingredients together. Spoon into muffin tins, filling them about halfway (I use one large spoonful). Bake for about 20 minutes, or until muffins start to brown on top and are holding together. Cool on a wire rack.
Having to cook within Whole30 guidelines last month was an ultra-challenge for me – especially when it came to making things without sugar. When we finally finished the 30 days, I was so excited to get a little peanut butter back in my life.
And, of course, dessert. Yes! Dessert! I made this pie for a friend’s birthday, and it turned out surprisingly well. If you’re looking for a DOPE vegan pie, you should definitely try this guy out. CAVEAT: The peanut butter filling doesn’t look that nice with the addition of avocado, but it tastes heavenly.
1/2 cup cashews
1/2 cup almonds
1/2 cup dates
1 Tbsp. cocoa
1 tsp. vanilla
Pinch of salt
Process in a food processor. If you need more moisture, add in tablespoon or two of your preferred nut butter. Pat crust into a tart or pie pan and chill to harden.
FOR PEANUT BUTTER LAYER:
1/2 cup cashews, soaked in water for about 2 hours
1 cup dates
1/4-1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk
1/2 cup peanut butter
1 Tbsp. vanilla
1/4 cup coconut cream
You may need to play around with adding a little more here and there, because I wasn’t exact with measurements the first go-round (whoops!). Process all ingredients in a food processor. If you need a silkier texture, add a little more almond milk. To make it sweeter, throw in a few more dates. Add peanut butter layer on top of crust, and let chill while you make cream layer.
FOR CREAM LAYER:
1 can coconut cream (just solids)
1 Tbsp. cocoa powder
1-2 Tbsp. agave (or honey)
Pulse ingredients in food processor until smooth. Spread on top of peanut butter layer.
FOR CHOCOLATE DRIZZLE:
This isn’t super necessary, but it’s fun and delicious and reminds me of “magic shell” on the pie.
2 Tbsp. coconut oil
2 Tbsp. agave (or honey)
1-2 Tbsp. cocoa
Whisk ingredients together, and drizzle on top of cream layer.
Throw the pie (gently) into the freezer for 30 minutes, and then you’re ready to slice! It’s delicious, honestly. If you’re hoping for a Whole30 version of the pie, swap the agave or honey for dates and the peanut butter for almond butter. Omit chocolate drizzle, or, play around with pulsing in the food processor with dates.
When I agreed to start Whole30 in January, I didn’t quite think through the logistics of the 30 days. Turns out, it’s not a “wing-it-as-you-go” type of diet. I can’t stand having the same food multiple days in a row, and I have never been a 5-containers-with-grilled-chicken-and-broccoli kinda gal. So, I wanted to create my own little guide to Whole30 that includes some of the recipes, tips, and treats I’ve picked up that you should definitely know about.
You’ll probably need a food processor.
I have never in my life used a food processor as much as I have the past thirty days. I used it to crush nuts + dates, to make mayonnaise, to make ketchup, to make ranch… you name it. Some of these things you could maybe use a blender for, but having a food processor around makes things MUCH easier.
Make some buffalo chicken meatballs.
I made this Buffalo Chicken Meatballs recipe three times, and it’s awesome. Frank’s Red Hot (sauce) is Whole30 approved, and you’ll find an excuse to use it on everything to add some flavor. I don’t even really like hot sauce. You’ll also want to make a batch of Whole30 ranch to dip them in (recipe below). Note: I swapped out the ground chicken in this recipe for ground turkey, and it was great.
Embrace coconut cream.
Okay, okay. So cocoa + dates are banned. This is a rule I think is maybe a little silly…but, if you choose to stick to it, this easy recipe (compliments of Jade Maghoney!) will be a great after-dinner treat that will keep you sane. In fact, I ate it for dinner tonight. Coconut Cream (not to be confused with cream of coconut that you find in the cocktail aisle that definitely has sugar in it) is usually found in the “foreign foods” section of the grocery store and has a whipped cream-like texture. And, it’s not just good for sneaking a little non-dessert into your life. It doesn’t have a super strong flavor, so I actually threw a dollop in with some potatoes and whipped them into creamy mashed potatoes. So good!
Coconut Cream “Tart”
Throw a handful (sorry y’all, I don’t quite measure) of cashews, a handful of almonds, 7 or 8 dates, and a little bit of water into a food processor and blend until it’s pretty fine. I also added some sunflower butter (you could use almond) to hold it together if needed. Press into a glass dish.
Spread coconut cream on top of base, and top with fresh fruit (I used strawberries). Refrigerate until firm – enjoy!
Making your own mayo will make life so much easier.
Turns out, mayonnaise is incredibly easy to make (and, it tastes just as good as the store-bought stuff). The ingredient that isn’t Whole30 approved in mayonnaise, for the most part, is soybean oil (since legumes are ix-nayed). I started with this recipe, and then adapted a little to fit, honestly, whatever ingredients I had remembered to buy at the time. Here’s what you’ll need:
Dijon mustard (or mustard powder)
Half a lemon
About 1 1/4 cups of sunflower, avocado, or extra-light oil
So, a couple tricks here.
1 – Make sure to leave your egg on the counter so that it comes to room-temperature before you try to whip it into mayo. I don’t know the science behind this, but it was key to most of the mayo recipes I tried.
2 – No matter how much you like extra virgin olive oil (and, I do!) it DOES NOT taste good as a base for mayo. Your mayo will be bitter and you’ll have to throw it all in the trash. I used extra-light-tasting olive oil and sunflower oil, and both turned out great.
3 – To your food processor, add the egg, Dijon, salt, and about 1/4 cup of oil. Then, blend until it starts to look creamy. Using the removable part of your food processor (or, if you have a little one like me, the divot where you can pour things), slowly add the remaining oil while the food processor is still running. It should take 2 or 3 minutes for you to add it all. Squeeze in your lemon, and blend until it’s at the consistency you’d like.
I added this mayonnaise to my ranch (getting there, I know), egg salad, chicken salad, tuna salad, and my chicken meatballs, which made for easy lunches that didn’t feel like leftovers. It’s really nice to just have some on hand.
And, why deprive yourself of ranch?
Once you’ve got mayonnaise down, you have to try this ranch. Ranch on Whole30? What? Yes, friends. Eat ranch. I adapted my version from this recipe. I used 1 tsp. of each of these spices, and combined them in a Ziploc bag to have on-hand: salt, parsley, dill, chives, onion powder, dehydrated onion flakes, garlic powder, and pepper.
Mix a tablespoon of the dry ranch mix with 1 cup of your mayonnaise, 1/3 cup of unsweetened almond milk, and a squeeze of lemon (about 1 tablespoon).
Turns out that other condiments are also kinda easy to make.
Since you can now have white potatoes on Whole30 (cheers!) you should also have some ketchup to dip them taters in. Here’s the combo – you’ll have to just play around with the ratios because, unfortunately as I mentioned previously, I’m terrible at measuring:
8-9 pitted dates
Apple cider vinegar
Fresh lemon juice
You can also make a killer tomato sauce that works with spaghetti squash, zucchini, ground turkey, eggplant… go for it. You only need a few ingredients, and a handful of spices from the cupboard:
2-3 cloves of garlic
1 large can (28 oz.) whole peeled tomatoes
Basil, oregano, thyme
Start by sautéing the garlic in the oil, and then adding the rest of the ingredients into a pot. Crush the tomatoes with a fork or potato masher. Cook the sauce on low until combined.
Speaking of spaghetti squash…
Take it up. It’s not hard at all – cut a spaghetti squash in half, scoop out the seeds, drizzle it with olive oil, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast on 350˚ for about 30-40 minutes, face up, until you can shred all the flesh (ew, Abigail, wording!) with a fork. I cook it on Sunday, and then keep it in the fridge as an easy dinner if I don’t have time to cook. Mix with a little of that homemade pasta sauce and some ground turkey, and you’ve got spaghetti [squash] with meat sauce.
Cook a bunch on Saturday and Sunday.
Okay, so here’s where you can combat the meal prep thing that I hate. The idea of having matching containers of meat and vegetables to be heated day after day gives me heartburn, genuinely. The best way to combat this while also not finding yourself eating almonds for dinner during the week is to make a list of foods you’d like to eat, and then making a handful of dishes to keep in the fridge. Not technically leftovers because you haven’t eaten them yet – and not the same thing over and over. Last week, this is what I prepped on Sunday:
Shakshuka (sans feta, I know – but still SO comforting)
Chicken Florentine Soup
Buffalo Chicken Meatballs
Roasted sweet potatoes
Not bad for options, eh?
You can eat bacon!
Really! The Whole30 cookbook says to “read the labels” when it comes to bacon, and that you’ll probably need to order some specialty bacon online or go to your local butcher for fresh bacon to find something that qualifies, but I’ve got the secret for you – most “low-sodium” bacons are sugar-free! So, you likely can have the grocery store bacon you’re passing by anyway. The Publix Hickory Smoked Low-Sodium bacon is approved, as is the Smithfield Low-Sodium Bacon. Pick it up on BOGO! Eat bacon! This morning, I had eggs, bacon, hash browns, and a pear for breakfast. Whole30 doesn’t have to be gross.
Roast some nuts.
I’ve roasted nuts every weekend now. The great thing about Whole30 is that you don’t have to be hungry, because you’re not counting calories. So, nuts are a great snack if you need a little afternoon fuel. If you’re not into the plain ol’ nut thing, like I’m not, then I want to encourage you to think outside salted almonds. This is one of my favorite combinations:
Mix pecans with a little olive oil, hot sauce, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, and onion flakes. Bake for about 12 minutes on 350˚, until your pecans are fragrant. This tastes like Chex Mix seasoning! So good!
I’ve also tried sunflower oil + cinnamon, sunflower oil + cinnamon, and olive oil + rosemary. Use whatever spices you have, and dress up those roasted nuts.
Just do it!
Honestly – the most common question people have asked me about Whole30 is whether or not it’s hard. It isn’t easy, I will say, and the first few days, I had a constant sugar-withdrawal headache. But, come day 8 or 9, my body felt great. Now, on Day 28, I’m planning on carrying over a lot of these Whole30 tricks into my lifestyle. You DO have time to cook. You CAN make dinners work in 30 minutes without prepackaged foods. And, your body WILL feel so much better when you fill it with whole foods. Promise! Maybe I won’t be making my own ketchup, but I’ll definitely be thinking twice when it comes to mimosas (or, shoveling donuts) on the weekend. It’s totally worth it.
In my not-so-spare time, I’ve decided to get a little deeper into one of my favorite passions –baking. If you’ve ever spent a weekend with me, you know that I like to go overboard in the kitchen. Case in point: last weekend, I made homemade buttermilk biscuits, lemon bars, two loaves of Citrus Pull-Apart Bread, a loaf of banana bread, and muffins all in one day. So, I won’t bake during the week, but I’ll get you a mean chess pie on the weekend. And, I need to share, because I can’t eat four loaves of bread in one day.
I love working with different recipes to see how the dough is made, how kneading makes a huge difference, and how yeast rises. My recent excitement over baking can 70% be attributed to my binge-watching of the last three seasons of Great British Baking Show. (Seriously, if you haven’t seen in – please go watch.)
All this to say – I want to get further into baking and really celebrate how cool it is that we can apply heat to ingredients and have them puff up into golden, fluffy shapes. So, I’d love for you to join me. I’ve created a new @bakewithabbi Instagram account, and I’m going to try to get better about writing some reviews on my blog on the recipes I’m trying.
And, if you’ve got a hankering for some baked goods (within a reasonable distance, ha!) – just shoot me a message and I’ll see if my next baking experiment can end up in your hands. 🙂
Call us what we are: Generation AA. A generation of alcoholics and workaholics. A generation that cares more about saving the earth that about the bickering of politics. We buff our personal brands with polish from the encouragement of others, and our lives are made up of fifteen side hustles that put us in jobs for less than five years. You don’t understand us. We know you don’t. We know that the reaction to not understanding us is to fear us, to undermine us, and to call us entitled. You don’t know the value of hard work, you’d say, and I’d look at you, straight in the eyes, shaking your hand with the same hand that held an icy latte because no one taught me the correct politics of the office – and tell you that my mind, in itself, is a creation of my own hard work. It’s a smooth, yet rocky, canyon of echoes and dreams–dreams that have been cultivated by experience and adventure.
I value time more than I value things. You may think I’m a millennial, but I was born twenty years before you called us whiny and entitled. So, you making a generalization about a group of people who are fighting, crying, breathing, hoping for a world with change makes you the small one. We are a beacon of light. Every time we open our glossed lips or hit publish, we’re changing the day. We dress carelessly. Our bra straps show and our jeans are too tight, and we’re told that men should make more because they’re the head of our family. Our black lips whisper in dark alleyways at night plotting to kill our successors and we are confident in the ideal that love will always conquer hate.
We are united and we are open. We will open our gates and our doors to people that are not like us because we recognize that freedom with boundaries is not freedom at all. We are the generation that will overcome your shortfalls and clean up your economy and rally to protect the earth. We are strong and we are many.
I’ve been wanting to write a post like this for awhile now, especially after seeing the many “How To Date Someone With Anxiety” blog posts that have been floating around the Internet. These other posts are usually being written by someone who has anxiety, essentially helping their partner understand what they’re going through and how to best encourage them.
Personally, I’m in the opposite boat. I’ve been dating my sweet boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years now, and he’s struggled with anxiety for much longer than that. This has been a journey for me because I’m always trying to figure out how best to be there (or, not be there) when he’s having an anxiety attack or going through a rough patch. I decided to interview him and find out exactly what he’d want me to know. So, this is Josh’s story. We hope that you can take a piece of this experience and use it to inspire someone (maybe your partner, as in my case) to be a better friend to those dealing with this darkness.
Give us some background. How long have you been dealing with anxiety?
My anxiety is something that manifested in me around my sophomore year of high school. So, I’ve dealt with it for close to eleven years. It’s something that’s hereditary for me. At the time, at that age, not really understanding what it was, I didn’t identify that other people in my family also struggled with it. Now, it’s pretty evident. My father and my brother have both struggled with anxiety, and hearing stories about my grandparents on my father’s side, I think it’s something that they struggled with as well.
It became bad for me when I was about 19 years old. I think it was just the time where I realized that life is really changing for me, and a lot of unknowns were becoming evident. It was really tough for me. I struggled with it for about four or five months on my own and not really knowing how to talk about it. My parents got me some help, but the first person I went to was not extremely helpful. She basically told me that this was life, this was how your body adjusts to growing up, and this is who you’re going to be. Fortunately, I got a second opinion.
That’s when I was put under the direction of some medicine that’s been able to help me sleep, which was the big problem, and calm me down. It helps keep, for the most part, that stuff in check. I’ve been on medication now since I was 19, so about 6 1/2 or 7 years. It’s something that flares up from time to time. You’re going to have your bad days, but the majority of mine are good. You have things that happen in your life that kind of feed into it and draw it out, but it’s something that’s easier to deal with the longer you’re dealing with it. When you go to that dark place or when you feel the effects of a full-on anxiety attack, it’s a terrifying feeling – but, when you come back from it, it makes the next time a little bit easier, because you know you can.
My anxiety has tended to be based around the unknown. For instance, situations in my life that could be or are taking place where there is no definitive way for me to affect the outcome. The feeling of being unsure and powerless feeds into it.
What’s something you’d want someone without anxiety to know?
How you are when your anxiety is high or you’re having a difficult time with it is very different from the person that you really are when you’re not struggling. For me, I become hypersensitive to things that are being said or perceptions of what people think about me. Or, minute details that my mind blows up into being a bigger deal than they are. In that mindset, when you’re struggling with those issues, you’re not thinking as clearly as you could. You don’t see the longterm impact of what you’re thinking or what you’re saying, because you just can’t seem to clear your mind or get the full picture. So, that becomes a vicious cycle, because it feeds into your anxiety even more.
From my perspective, when this happens, I’ve just wanted someone there. I don’t need them there to tell me or do anything, just be there. Early on, when I started having these issues, the person I wanted to be around was my brother, because he’d dealt with it before. He’s been down the road. There’s a lot of times when it’s nice to have someone else tell you that it’s going to be okay. But, most of the time, my brother would just be there to be there, because he knew that it was a comforting feeling knowing that you’re not struggling alone. Being there with someone when they’re feeling this way, or when they’re having an anxiety attack, is very comforting.
In terms of us being in a relationship, what would you want me to do when you’re having an anxiety attack?
Well, in the context of us dating, it would probably be what I said before. I’d just want you to be there for me. The main thing that helps me is when you put your hand over my heart, because that’s where the physical feeling of anxiety manifests for me. It’s a tightness in my chest. It’s not necessarily a pain, but it feels like you’re wearing heavy duty clothing that’s three sizes too small for you. It’s laboring to push your chest out to get a full breath of air. That’s just your body not knowing how to react to what’s going on. Then, when you start feeling like that, you start worrying, which in turn makes it worse, which makes you worry worse, which makes your anxiety worse. It’s a never-ending thing. In my mind, when you put your hand on my chest, it’s a light in the dark of you saying ‘It’s okay.’ It’s a feeling of ‘One way or another, everything is going to be alright.’ So, that’s the biggest thing relationship-wise. It’s that physical connection of being there in that moment with someone else. I’m not just seeing you, but I’m feeling that you’re near to me. That helps me.
Is there any part of dealing with a relationship that’s made harder by the fact that you have anxiety?
Yeah, it definitely does make things harder. We’ve run into this in our own relationship. And, when I say we, I mean me. [Laughs] You know, the thought of getting married or having kids are huge unknowns, and that’s something for me that really feeds into my anxiety. It’s something I’ve had to deal with. It makes you super sensitive to perceived issues in a relationship. You just want to be in the know all the time, especially if you think your partner’s upset. You want to know what it is and what’s wrong. That feeling of not knowing personally feeds into my anxiety because not knowing means I start speculating on what it could be. And then that leads to it being blown out of proportion and becoming a huge thing. It’s basically throwing a match onto a can of gasoline. It doesn’t take much to start it, but once it’s been lit, it’s very hard to put it out. You can’t quiet your mind; it’s just running repeatedly. So yes, it makes certain aspects of a relationship very difficult.
In some instances, it makes you very self-conscious, too – especially early on in the relationship. You don’t necessarily want the other person to see you like that because you don’t know how your partner is going to perceive it. You also don’t know what effect it will have moving forward in terms of how they see you after the fact. Some people might feel like it’s too much baggage to bring into their lives.
Is that something you’ve personally struggled with?
Yes, especially in terms of medication. I feel like there’s a stigma attached to taking medication. I don’t really think that there’s a strong stigma attached to having anxiety, but once you go to the level where you’re prescribed something for it, people start to say, “Oh, oh you take MEDICINE” in a judging way. They make it seem like taking medicine puts you in a different category. And, with my medicine, it’s something I’ve struggled with from a family perspective. With my mom being as religious as she is, she was very against me taking anything for my anxiety. She did not want me to do it. And, to this day, she still brings it up. She asks me, “Do you still take that medicine to help you sleep at night?” That’s the way she looks at it – like it’s only medicine to help me sleep at night.
Lately, you’ve seemed to be less anxious about the future. Is that something you feel like you’ve grown out of, or something you suppress?
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown to be able to accept the unknown a little bit better. There are still things that peak my anxiety when I think about them from the standpoint of the future, relationships, what could happen, and what you want to happen. But, for the most part, I feel like I’ve grown way past the point even that I was a year, or two, or three ago. I’m a little more at peace with knowing that there are going to be good things that happen and there are bad things that happen. I used to let them get to me a lot more, which then lead to more bad things happening than good. It’s a gradual thing that took time for me to come to peace with over the years.
If you were to tell your 19-year-old self about this journey that you’ve gone through, what advice would you give?
The biggest thing that I struggled with when I was really hit hard with anxiety was me feeling like I would never be me again. I’ve always been a really positive, outgoing person. Generally, I’m pretty happy. When I went through the four or five months when I was really down, it was basically the other end of the spectrum. It was really hard feeling like that, feeling like I’d never get back to where I was before. That’s why, when the first person that I saw for help told me, literally, “You’re not going to feel like you did before,” it felt like a punch in the gut. If I could tell myself anything, it would be, “Yes, this sucks. Yes, you’re going to have to go through this. But, you are going to be able to get back to where you were before. It’s going to take time, there are going to be some really shitty things that are going to happen, and you’re going to feel badly for awhile – but you can climb out of it and you will climb out of it.”
Do you feel like you’re back to where you want to be?
I definitely do, and I’d say I’ve probably felt back to myself for the last five or six years. Like I said, there are going to be times. For me, these originated around life-changing moments like graduating from college, serious health problems in my immediate family, and changes with a job. Granted, this isn’t a blueprint for everyone that struggles with anxiety. Triggers are very unique from person to person. But yes, I definitely feel like I’m to the point where I was hoping to get back to.
I don’t think it’s something that you can ever really be “cured” of. But, I think the longer that you deal with it and the more you learn to live with it, the easier it gets. I do think it’s something that I’m going to deal with for the rest of my life. On the other side, though, I think it’s going to be something that gets easier to deal with the older I get and the more life experience that I have under my belt. And, the more I talk about it, share my experiences, and hopefully help other people with it, the easier it becomes for me.
In a relationship, is there a specific quality that you’d want in a partner that would help you?
I would say, from my experiences, the biggest effect that anxiety has on me is my self-confidence. I’ve never been extremely confident in myself anyways throughout my life, so it’s something that definitely becomes worse in those dark moments. You’re feeling down, you’re not feeling like yourself, and then you start analyzing a lot of things in your life. Basically, you become your own worst critic and picking yourself apart. So, I would say that the two qualities I’d want in someone are encouragement and patience.
I think sometimes people who have individuals in their life with anxiety feel like they should be able to say “Everything’s going to be okay” and then that person is going to feel better. It’s encouraging to hear those words, but it’s not a fix-all. It’s a process of going through a day or three-day or however long span of not feeling like yourself before you can come out of it. Obviously having someone there or encouraging you will help and may help you come out of it quicker, but there’s not necessarily anything you can do to just magically make it happen.
Is there anything else you’d like to add?
I think that the biggest thing I’d want people to know is that if you’re struggling with anxiety and you come to a point where you need to take medicine, you shouldn’t look at that as a weakness. Coming from my really religious background, medicine was perceived as a weakness because a lot of people thought that I should be completely reliant on prayer. Not to say that’s not something that could help you, but I’ve run into a lot of people who demonstrate the same characteristics as I did before I started medicine. Some have been close friends. When I’ve asked them about it, they’ll say, “Yes, I do think i struggle with anxiety, but I don’t want to take medicine. I don’t want be dependent on something like that.” Granted, that’s to each person’s own prerogative, but I think people sometimes say that because they think it’s a weakness.
In my mind, it shows strength, because you’re taking action to move yourself from down in this dark place to become who you want to be. Why would I turn away from that? Anxiety has been an issue for me and it’s affected multiple facets of my life, but it’s not a problem I’m ashamed of or a problem that I feel bad about talking about with somebody. The more you live with it, the more you learn about it and the more ways you can help someone else who’s going through it.